Einstein wrote:
"Try not to become a man of success, but rather to become a man of value."
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BEYOND INSPIRATION

BEYOND INSPIRATION

Throughout our lives we experience inspiration.  It makes us feel alive and energized.  We find ourselves in a state of effortlessness in our ability to create or accomplish the tasks set before us.
We all seek and depend upon inspiration in our lives.  It is the driving force behind all that we do spanning the accomplishment of our ordinary, everyday demands to making decisions that will be life changing.  Inspiration is the force behind the creative minds whose inventions have changed the world.  A powerful weapon when one finds themselves in varying degrees of battle.

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She Dances With Angels


This article was written as a request by another site.  I hesitated to publish it on my blog as I thought that my readers would see it as a subject far too negative in content.  For me, it is a love story paying tribute to one who touched our lives, left a legacy of wisdom and grace. If Good Friday is symbolic of the experience of our humanity, then the symbolism of Easter Sunday teaches us that through spirit we are forever in the presence of loved ones.



She Dances With Angels
  
How does one describe through the limitations of the written word the life of one who has left an indelible mark upon their life carved upon the pages of the heart?  One who would best be described as a song written by the hand of God?
 
Growing up in a family of six siblings, our relationships have evolved into that of being best friends and remain closely involved in each other’s lives, always available when another was in need. We remain confident in the love that we have for each other.
And so it was no surprise, on July 4th, 1985 when my sister gave birth to a beautiful girl named Stacey that I would come to believe and love her as the daughter that I never had.

From the moment she found her ability to speak, we knew that this determined, outgoing little girl had a mission. One could not help but to be taken aback by her matter of fact statements, in awe at the wisdom that was beyond her years.

A personality that earned her the nick name of Stella Bella she commanded the attention of all. A little bossy in nature, she was relentless in her efforts to obtain what she deemed necessary. To describe her as melodramatic would have been an understatement, as she would lie on the floor wailing that she was about to die due to a broken heart after being scolded by her mother.  Or in frustration exclaim that there was no dealing with her mother at certain times of the month.  She appeared and behaved as a healthy, little girl with the normal childhood sniffles and colds who would occasionally complain about a pain in her leg which her doctor diagnosed as “growing pains”. However, that was not to be the case.
 
It was a cold day in January, when I received the call that changed our lives from that point on. My sister was at the hospital with Stacey and went on to explain that the evening before my niece had begun to vomit blood.  After running some tests the doctor had come to tell her that Stacey was in the late stages of cancer and it had spread to her lungs. She had at most a few months to live.

During those months, we experienced an emotional roller coaster of laughter, joy, happiness, appreciating the blessings, savouring the moments, the anger, the exhaustion, guilt and fear that came with the demands of caring for an ill child. We witnessed the wisdom of a child who wished only to share her time and limited strength with those who had earned the right to be near, who would cleverly think of ways to avoid some visitors without the necessity of rudeness, but would at times to our shock and surprise felt the freedom to speak her mind.

A child who a few days before her passing requested the privacy to speak with individual loved ones.  Two days later, asking her Mom that no one come over so that she could spend time alone with her and as my sister held her in her arms, she said that we she was tired. And in an act of the purest kind of love, my sister told her not to worry, she would be alright and she was free to go if she believed it was time.  She closed her eyes and the spirit that had touched our lives was released.

One might think that this was far too great a demand made by an uncaring Creator, but I have chosen to believe that greater loss would have been found in not to have been chosen as one worthy to become a part of her life. To have loved her, be loved by her, witness her grace as she fulfilled a purpose that would not be restrained within our dreams and goals.
 
If one is to believe that we are not human beings seeking a spiritual experience but spiritual beings living the human experience, then we may be able to find our way to understand even when unable to accept, the time appointed journey of a loved one to go home.

For those who have suffered the loss of a child, it is not ours to know the depth of your pain.  It is a place of calling not choice that freezes the bystander in fear with the thought.  There are no platitudes or words of condolence worthy of this sacred place. There is only the hope that from these ashes you will find the strength to rise up and make known the legacy left behind by one for whom you love.  That in time, you will be able to sense the memory of their presence prompting within you the grace to move ahead in the fulfillment of your divine purpose. I bend my knees, bow my head in respect honouring those who have been given the highest of callings and gave the greatest of sacrifices.
 
For me, I have come to the place to choose not to allow the dark clouds of pain to overshadow the presence of a life that gave me the greatest cause for celebration. I know that Stacey’s spirit dances in places only for the chosen, she dances with Angels.

                                                                     Love never ceases,
                                                                            Cathrine Feehely

BABY BOOMER BUSTED

In my fifties, menopausal, overweight, in debt and now you tell me I no longer have a job.  And I need to do what?  Start all over again? Have I mentioned that I was tired of the rat race, struggling with the start of each new day, ending in exhaustion with the singular hope that maybe tomorrow would be different.
 
The following is the story of a hard working Baby Boomer who got Busted!

At 53, one would believe that I would have an established career, be debt-free, accumulated enough savings with investments for a plentiful worry free retirement. And you know what, I came close!

Last year I made the decision to use my savings and take out loans to make some sound investments.  Well, we all know what happened to the stock and real estate markets. With the time-lines set for loan repayment looming ahead, it was difficult to comprehend that I had put myself in risk of losing everything.  Well, I thought at least I have a job that pays fairly well and if I made some changes everything should be okay. Well, it wasn’t okay.

The unthinkable happened. I like so many others, lost my well paying job due to company restructuring. With no pension, no savings, no other income stream and huge debt, I was devastated.
 
The humiliation I felt in regard to my decisions, the failure, the loved ones I believed I had let down was more than I could bear.  What was wrong with me and why did I seem to keep making the same mistakes?

It was in this dark place of complete solitude, exhausted and surrounded by a sense of hopelessness that my disparity took me to places of thought that was in stark contradiction to my beliefs but somehow now all made sense. Reasoning in dark places is a powerful and persuasive tool.
 
Uncertain as to where a thought is generated, I started to believe that the only value I had left to repay my debt and give to my loved one’s would be found in my life insurance policies.  Need I say more?  Accepting that I was a coward, fearing death, I began to pray for courage and ways to make it look like an accident.  I reasoned away the residual effect on those who cared for me, with the hope that they would see this as an accident and not a choice, grieve for a time but would have the money I had left them.

To understand how certain events are orchestrated in our lives, will always be for me an exercise of awe. On a day where my only mandate was to put in time, I came across a motivational tape in my email. I decided to listen to it before deleting. The man was talking about the law of attraction sharing his story of losing a loved one, the effect it had, the message he received and how it had changed his life.
 
His words provoked thoughts about my decisions, the speed and impact of their results which led me to think, if my decisions were that powerful to bring about negative results then, what was stopping me from making new decisions that would generate with equal speed and impact the positive results I desired?  Nothing!

I began to see myself, my reality and decisions from a completely new perspective. Was it possible that my decisions had not generated negative results? Was I exactly where I needed to be in order to reach a turning point in my life?  Was I being given a new direction that would enable me to move closer towards the fulfilment of my dreams and purpose?

It was at that moment through what might be best described as divine revelation and inspiration, I could feel the stirring of new hope igniting my strength with a refreshed determination to continue on in my journey. Empowered with knowledge and a new understanding, I believed that I could and would conquer all that was before me! The choice was mine.

There are common threads that bind all of humanity. It is the desire to fulfill our dreams and life purpose. We share in the experience of pain, disappointment and disillusionment but amongst the perception of failure, we receive success, know love, joy and happiness.  It is within our power to choose what we will focus on and the way in which we will learn our lessons of wisdom.

But what is of up most importance, no matter where we find ourselves, we must believe that it is never too late nor is it beyond our power, to make a decision that will totally change the direction of our lives.  To be grateful for all of our life experiences, embracing the knowledge gained to make necessary changes.  A change in perspective, our view of ourselves, our circumstances can make the difference between an unfulfilled life and a life filled with joy filled purpose.

It isn’t easy to bring change but it is within our power.  I heard once that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while looking for a change. Change requires a commitment of effort on our part.  In the book, the Road Less Travelled, the first three words are “Life is difficult”.  For each one of us, the difficulty will come in varying degrees.  It is my belief that those who are challenged and overcome the highest degrees of difficulty will also be rewarded with the highest of value.
 
And I am grateful to be able to say that I am a card carrying member of the group.  I am in this journey and I have decided to give it my best shot.  I am excited about the unlimited possibilities that my life presents.  And so I ask, what will be your decision? Will you join me on this wonderful journey we call living?

                                                            All my love,
                                                                    Cathrine Feehely

Where Healing Begins

 Recently, I was given an assignment wherein I was to interview a range of people who knew me from different areas of my life.  They were asked to describe what they saw as my strengths and weaknesses.

Most of their responses were similar, in that they saw me as having a bubbly outgoing personality, bringing the best out in people.  I appeared confident, honest, kind and was overly generous.  I was outgoing, social and well spoken.  As for my weaknesses, I was seen as being far too analytical, overcautious, easily flustered, emotionally unguarded when upset, wordy, overbearing and a perfectionist.

Observing the feedback, I found it interesting that my weaknesses, were a mirrored reflection of my strengths.  What I did know: the effect of both left the receiver either loving me or I drove them crazy.

I love a good debate that challenges my thinking, causes me to question preconceived ideas or conclusions based on past experiences and teachings.  And it is true, that I am willing to strike up a conversation with anyone who is willing to enter into an exchange. 
Sometimes, to the surprise and concern of those closest to me, I am far too open about personal issues that they believe hold the potential of exposing me to the criticism and judgment of others.

Perhaps it is because I believe that every person that enters my life, whether momentarily or longer, at whatever degree of participation, has done so by divine appointment. They will be recognized as vital contributors to the education that enabled me to fulfill my life purpose.

Now this is a fairly accurate description of my public persona that is readily available to all but there is a part of me that is not as easily recognizable, nor readily available and rarely exposed.  A inner place that I have come to believe is an equally important component of myself.  In fact, I now believe that because of this inner place, within my being, I creatively developed my persona in order to hide its existence.  It is a part of me that I do not volunteer to entertain.  There are times, when I can feel a strong demand to enter into it's presence and  I am thrust into an emotional state of fear, resisting at all costs it's embrace.  It is a place that I have visited without choice, known intimately and by name.  It is the Place of My Pain.  Pain, rejection, despair in varying degrees experienced throughout a lifetime, but without human capacity to address.

Until recently, when through divine revelation and my love of the written, I was inspired to share with others that which has touched me most , absent of the fear of rejection or judgment. Write about my experiences, successes, failures, dreams, goals, my joy and my pain.  In doing so, it is my hope to find personal understanding and healing for myself. For those who generously give of their time to read my stories, it is equally my hope that in some way they may find self-realization and healing of their own, allowing us all to freely move forward towards the fulfillment of our divine and universal purpose.

I plan to bring you a new post every week sharing my stories and the stories of ordinary people who have done extraordinary things.  People who have inspired me and I am certain will inspire you.  If you are such a person or know of someone please let me know.

I welcome your comments or feedback.  Let us, together, create a forum where all can feel free to share their stories, struggles, laughter, pain and victories.

                                                 With the highest regard for all,
                                                                   Cathrine Feehely