BEYOND INSPIRATION
Throughout our lives we experience inspiration. It makes us feel alive and energized. We find ourselves in a state of effortlessness in our ability to create or accomplish the tasks set before us.
We all seek and depend upon inspiration in our lives. It is the driving force behind all that we do spanning the accomplishment of our ordinary, everyday demands to making decisions that will be life changing. Inspiration is the force behind the creative minds whose inventions have changed the world. A powerful weapon when one finds themselves in varying degrees of battle.
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In my fifties, menopausal, overweight, in debt and now you tell me I no longer have a job. And I need to do what? Start all over again? Have I mentioned that I was tired of the rat race, struggling with the start of each new day, ending in exhaustion with the singular hope that maybe tomorrow would be different.
The following is the story of a hard working Baby Boomer who got Busted!
At 53, one would believe that I would have an established career, be debt-free, accumulated enough savings with investments for a plentiful worry free retirement. And you know what, I came close!
Last year I made the decision to use my savings and take out loans to make some sound investments. Well, we all know what happened to the stock and real estate markets. With the time-lines set for loan repayment looming ahead, it was difficult to comprehend that I had put myself in risk of losing everything. Well, I thought at least I have a job that pays fairly well and if I made some changes everything should be okay. Well, it wasn’t okay.
The unthinkable happened. I like so many others, lost my well paying job due to company restructuring. With no pension, no savings, no other income stream and huge debt, I was devastated.
The humiliation I felt in regard to my decisions, the failure, the loved ones I believed I had let down was more than I could bear. What was wrong with me and why did I seem to keep making the same mistakes?
It was in this dark place of complete solitude, exhausted and surrounded by a sense of hopelessness that my disparity took me to places of thought that was in stark contradiction to my beliefs but somehow now all made sense. Reasoning in dark places is a powerful and persuasive tool.
Uncertain as to where a thought is generated, I started to believe that the only value I had left to repay my debt and give to my loved one’s would be found in my life insurance policies. Need I say more? Accepting that I was a coward, fearing death, I began to pray for courage and ways to make it look like an accident. I reasoned away the residual effect on those who cared for me, with the hope that they would see this as an accident and not a choice, grieve for a time but would have the money I had left them.
To understand how certain events are orchestrated in our lives, will always be for me an exercise of awe. On a day where my only mandate was to put in time, I came across a motivational tape in my email. I decided to listen to it before deleting. The man was talking about the law of attraction sharing his story of losing a loved one, the effect it had, the message he received and how it had changed his life.
His words provoked thoughts about my decisions, the speed and impact of their results which led me to think, if my decisions were that powerful to bring about negative results then, what was stopping me from making new decisions that would generate with equal speed and impact the positive results I desired? Nothing!
I began to see myself, my reality and decisions from a completely new perspective. Was it possible that my decisions had not generated negative results? Was I exactly where I needed to be in order to reach a turning point in my life? Was I being given a new direction that would enable me to move closer towards the fulfilment of my dreams and purpose?
It was at that moment through what might be best described as divine revelation and inspiration, I could feel the stirring of new hope igniting my strength with a refreshed determination to continue on in my journey. Empowered with knowledge and a new understanding, I believed that I could and would conquer all that was before me! The choice was mine.
There are common threads that bind all of humanity. It is the desire to fulfill our dreams and life purpose. We share in the experience of pain, disappointment and disillusionment but amongst the perception of failure, we receive success, know love, joy and happiness. It is within our power to choose what we will focus on and the way in which we will learn our lessons of wisdom.
But what is of up most importance, no matter where we find ourselves, we must believe that it is never too late nor is it beyond our power, to make a decision that will totally change the direction of our lives. To be grateful for all of our life experiences, embracing the knowledge gained to make necessary changes. A change in perspective, our view of ourselves, our circumstances can make the difference between an unfulfilled life and a life filled with joy filled purpose.
It isn’t easy to bring change but it is within our power. I heard once that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, while looking for a change. Change requires a commitment of effort on our part. In the book, the Road Less Travelled, the first three words are “Life is difficult”. For each one of us, the difficulty will come in varying degrees. It is my belief that those who are challenged and overcome the highest degrees of difficulty will also be rewarded with the highest of value.
And I am grateful to be able to say that I am a card carrying member of the group. I am in this journey and I have decided to give it my best shot. I am excited about the unlimited possibilities that my life presents. And so I ask, what will be your decision? Will you join me on this wonderful journey we call living?
All my love,
Cathrine Feehely
Recently, I was given an assignment wherein I was to interview a range of people who knew me from different areas of my life. They were asked to describe what they saw as my strengths and weaknesses.
Most of their responses were similar, in that they saw me as having a bubbly outgoing personality, bringing the best out in people. I appeared confident, honest, kind and was overly generous. I was outgoing, social and well spoken. As for my weaknesses, I was seen as being far too analytical, overcautious, easily flustered, emotionally unguarded when upset, wordy, overbearing and a perfectionist.
Observing the feedback, I found it interesting that my weaknesses, were a mirrored reflection of my strengths. What I did know: the effect of both left the receiver either loving me or I drove them crazy.
I love a good debate that challenges my thinking, causes me to question preconceived ideas or conclusions based on past experiences and teachings. And it is true, that I am willing to strike up a conversation with anyone who is willing to enter into an exchange.
Sometimes, to the surprise and concern of those closest to me, I am far too open about personal issues that they believe hold the potential of exposing me to the criticism and judgment of others.
Perhaps it is because I believe that every person that enters my life, whether momentarily or longer, at whatever degree of participation, has done so by divine appointment. They will be recognized as vital contributors to the education that enabled me to fulfill my life purpose.
Now this is a fairly accurate description of my public persona that is readily available to all but there is a part of me that is not as easily recognizable, nor readily available and rarely exposed. A inner place that I have come to believe is an equally important component of myself. In fact, I now believe that because of this inner place, within my being, I creatively developed my persona in order to hide its existence. It is a part of me that I do not volunteer to entertain. There are times, when I can feel a strong demand to enter into it's presence and I am thrust into an emotional state of fear, resisting at all costs it's embrace. It is a place that I have visited without choice, known intimately and by name. It is the Place of My Pain. Pain, rejection, despair in varying degrees experienced throughout a lifetime, but without human capacity to address.
Until recently, when through divine revelation and my love of the written, I was inspired to share with others that which has touched me most , absent of the fear of rejection or judgment. Write about my experiences, successes, failures, dreams, goals, my joy and my pain. In doing so, it is my hope to find personal understanding and healing for myself. For those who generously give of their time to read my stories, it is equally my hope that in some way they may find self-realization and healing of their own, allowing us all to freely move forward towards the fulfillment of our divine and universal purpose.
I plan to bring you a new post every week sharing my stories and the stories of ordinary people who have done extraordinary things. People who have inspired me and I am certain will inspire you. If you are such a person or know of someone please let me know.
I welcome your comments or feedback. Let us, together, create a forum where all can feel free to share their stories, struggles, laughter, pain and victories.
With the highest regard for all,
Cathrine Feehely