She Dances With Angels
This article was written as a request by another site. I hesitated to publish it on my blog as I thought that my readers would see it as a subject far too negative in content. For me, it is a love story paying tribute to one who touched our lives, left a legacy of wisdom and grace. If Good Friday is symbolic of the experience of our humanity, then the symbolism of Easter Sunday teaches us that through spirit we are forever in the presence of loved ones.
She Dances With Angels
How does one describe through the limitations of the written word the life of one who has left an indelible mark upon their life carved upon the pages of the heart? One who would best be described as a song written by the hand of God?
Growing up in a family of six siblings, our relationships have evolved into that of being best friends and remain closely involved in each other’s lives, always available when another was in need. We remain confident in the love that we have for each other.
And so it was no surprise, on July 4th, 1985 when my sister gave birth to a beautiful girl named Stacey that I would come to believe and love her as the daughter that I never had.
From the moment she found her ability to speak, we knew that this determined, outgoing little girl had a mission. One could not help but to be taken aback by her matter of fact statements, in awe at the wisdom that was beyond her years.
A personality that earned her the nick name of Stella Bella she commanded the attention of all. A little bossy in nature, she was relentless in her efforts to obtain what she deemed necessary. To describe her as melodramatic would have been an understatement, as she would lie on the floor wailing that she was about to die due to a broken heart after being scolded by her mother. Or in frustration exclaim that there was no dealing with her mother at certain times of the month. She appeared and behaved as a healthy, little girl with the normal childhood sniffles and colds who would occasionally complain about a pain in her leg which her doctor diagnosed as “growing pains”. However, that was not to be the case.
It was a cold day in January, when I received the call that changed our lives from that point on. My sister was at the hospital with Stacey and went on to explain that the evening before my niece had begun to vomit blood. After running some tests the doctor had come to tell her that Stacey was in the late stages of cancer and it had spread to her lungs. She had at most a few months to live.
During those months, we experienced an emotional roller coaster of laughter, joy, happiness, appreciating the blessings, savouring the moments, the anger, the exhaustion, guilt and fear that came with the demands of caring for an ill child. We witnessed the wisdom of a child who wished only to share her time and limited strength with those who had earned the right to be near, who would cleverly think of ways to avoid some visitors without the necessity of rudeness, but would at times to our shock and surprise felt the freedom to speak her mind.
A child who a few days before her passing requested the privacy to speak with individual loved ones. Two days later, asking her Mom that no one come over so that she could spend time alone with her and as my sister held her in her arms, she said that we she was tired. And in an act of the purest kind of love, my sister told her not to worry, she would be alright and she was free to go if she believed it was time. She closed her eyes and the spirit that had touched our lives was released.
One might think that this was far too great a demand made by an uncaring Creator, but I have chosen to believe that greater loss would have been found in not to have been chosen as one worthy to become a part of her life. To have loved her, be loved by her, witness her grace as she fulfilled a purpose that would not be restrained within our dreams and goals.
If one is to believe that we are not human beings seeking a spiritual experience but spiritual beings living the human experience, then we may be able to find our way to understand even when unable to accept, the time appointed journey of a loved one to go home.
For those who have suffered the loss of a child, it is not ours to know the depth of your pain. It is a place of calling not choice that freezes the bystander in fear with the thought. There are no platitudes or words of condolence worthy of this sacred place. There is only the hope that from these ashes you will find the strength to rise up and make known the legacy left behind by one for whom you love. That in time, you will be able to sense the memory of their presence prompting within you the grace to move ahead in the fulfillment of your divine purpose. I bend my knees, bow my head in respect honouring those who have been given the highest of callings and gave the greatest of sacrifices.
For me, I have come to the place to choose not to allow the dark clouds of pain to overshadow the presence of a life that gave me the greatest cause for celebration. I know that Stacey’s spirit dances in places only for the chosen, she dances with Angels.
Love never ceases,
Cathrine Feehely
Posted by Cathrine Feehely at 4/10/2009 6:49 AM 
Categories: Tributes
Tags: cathrine feehely children cancer hope
Categories: Tributes
Tags: cathrine feehely children cancer hope
Hi Cathrine,
I am so happy you chose to write about your niece. It touched my heart. Death and how we choose to experience it when it happens to someone close is so very personal. I'm reminded to be grateful for every moment I have with the people I love.
Thanks for telling your story,
Theresa
Reply to this
Cathrine,
As a mom, I believe there is no greater pain one could be asked to endure than that of losing a child. Thank you for sharing the story of your niece so eloquently. It is a wonderful memorial to her. And on Good Friday, we can remember that although she died, you will someday be reunited with her, but for now she is among angels.
Reply to this
Cathrine,
What a beautiful, touching tribute to the life of your beloved niece. It sounds like she is indeed dancing with angels.
Sarah
Reply to this
Cathrine,
There is no need to apologize for such a post. When it is as heartfelt and beautiful as this post is, everyone needs to read it.
My sister died of cancer when she was seven. I was only four and vaguely aware of what was going on. It wasn't until many years later did I understand the pain my parents were in at the time. Either I was too young to understand what was going on, or my parents did a good job of shielding me from it.
How old was Stacey when you lost her?
jay
Reply to this
A beautiful tribute to an angel who passed through your life and in the process touched mine. Thank you and Happy Easter.
Reply to this
Amen, Cathrine.
Well written!
Reply to this
Cathrine,
The post is anything but negative. Though, I have to admit, it made me cry.
I have 2 healthy young daughters but I also have twin sons that were born premature and died. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of them.
I truly hope that Stacy is dancing with the other little angels. And just maybe a couple of those other little angels are my boys, Shane and Ian.
Thank you so much for sharing. Take it from one who knows all too, painfully, well. It really does help others.
Reply to this
Catherine:
Another poignant and moving blog post. I emailed the link to several people I know who have lost children.
Thank you for sharing such a painful story.
Michelle Mangen
Reply to this
What a beautiful tribute to your precious niece. When those who are Christians lose a loved one, there is no disconnect, for we are still united in the Vine.
It is like roses that climb over a garden wall, some will blossom on the other side, being hidden from our view, but the vine keeps them all joined together. Though your precious niece has gone on to be with Jesus, she is still connected through the Vine.
Blessings of peace and comfort to you all...Lynn
Reply to this
Hi Catherine,
It is hard to imagine how hard it would have been to write such a beautiful tribute to Stacey and indeed your whole family. The journey that parents of children with life threatening illness's must take is one of almost overwhelming lows as you question every value and belief you have held to that point. You struggle to comprehend the science, the treatment, the possible outcomes, the effect on your other children of your constant focus on your sick child.
Invariably you share this journey with the parents of the other children in the same hospital and clinics as you. You share their joy and despair over months and years of improved blood counts, limited side effects, a constant roller coaster.
Two things from this journey will never leave me. My admiration and awe of the courage and determination shown by my son and the other children I have met through out their journey.
At times the overwhelming sorrow and loss you feel for those that don't make it.
The pain I feel for their parents even years later is very palpable. Yet I can never really share it.
The faces of their angels I was privileged to meet, their resilience and spirit...I still see those boys and girls as clearly today as if we were back in those hospital rooms years ago.
I still thank God that Hamish and our family came through and pray for the Parents of those that didn't. May God give them Hope and strength.
I know the support and understanding of family like you Catherine makes a difference.
Thank you for sharing Stacey's life with us. Brendan
Reply to this
The story about Stella Bella was a true work of art and love. You're a wonderful writer.
Reply to this
Chathrine,
You Truly are wonderful.To write that very painful experience, to relive it again, for the sake of all of us, who read it and are moved to tears. we Thank you!
Rebecca
Reply to this
Cathrine,
Thanks for sharing. As difficult as it may have been to write, this is a beautiful tribute to your niece.
I lost my daughter to cancer 8 years ago. The cancer was undetected until it was too late. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. And I think of her as an angel, too. Now, I'm going to start thinking of her as dancing with angels!
Warmly,
~Marilyn
Reply to this